I don’t get the idea on why we need to label someone as something.

we are not even a thing to be labelled. we are humans. we have the right to choose on the things that we want to do with our lives.

i really don’t understand too, on why i am in a community where labels are attached to you. it is nauseating to be in a part of a community where in you are supposed to open minded with everything. yes we have cultures.. just that as a media practitioner isn’t it you should be sitting/ standing there thinking that.. this person is not like that… that i shouldn’t judge this person because i don’t know him/her.

and please.. spare me with those judgmental eyes that kept on looking at appearances and judge them with appearance alone. it saddened me that most of the people who do it are from the media itself when they should be the one influencing people to be open minded.

yes. I was a victim of LABELS. f*cking labels that hunts me. I am a victim of judgmental eyes in my own freakin perfect community where in they label me for someone i am not. It ruined me. me and my inner self. sometimes it makes me wonder if the one i’m seeing in the mirror is really me.

i freakin hate labels. but i hate those people who gives it. they really need to get a life. Not everyone in this god damn world wants to label themselves as somebody or something else. Not everyone wants to be treated like a THING.

if they only knew that rubbing that LABELS on others face, ruins others lives. then maybe, no one will get hurt nor judge by the god damn society. if only they knew the effects.

if only.



For 2 weeks I had been staying here in my Hometown. Danacbunga, Botolan, Zambales.

Our place is near the beach and staying here is like heaven. so here. some pictures of sunsets.


maybe a part of me still think that i couldn’t move on.

maybe i did love him. or maybe it’s just a pigment of my silly imagination. but what i do know is that. when you love someone, all you have to do is to be honest to yourself and admit to yourself that.. ‘yeah. i freakin love that guy. that insane guy who had been lurking in my mind for several years.’

well, i remember when my couz told me about crush and whatnot. like if your crush status exceeds for 3 months, it’s no longer considered crush. then what it is now? love? maybe. but for me who had been pinning for that guy for years.. i think it is safe to say.. that yes. i did love him. i still do.

so, let me tell you this little story.

i met him in my school. i was second year HS and he was 4th year. i was walking holding a deck of an anime cards when he saw me–rather the cards. he approached me and ask me where in the world i bought the cards.

i told him where.

i never really thought that there is a big possibility that i could like him. i mean, he’s too.. i don’t know.. playful? like nothing matters for him except have fun and whatnot. 

i think, i sorta ate everything i said when i muttered that i will never like him. days had past and i became aware of his existence. i noticed him more and yeah.. he got attractive in my eyes. 

i remember this one time thing.. we have an activity that we need to go somewhere–a mountain actually. me and a friend had been chatting about the event and something else, then all of a sudden he showed up with all smiles. he say hi to my friend, since her bro was his friend. then, he looked at me and say ‘hey!’ he chatted about random things which i can’t remember. then he just walk away. after that, my friend turns to me and said.. ‘he’s cute right?’ she’s all giddy and lovestruck that all i did was to look at her and said. ‘yeah, he’s okay.’ then shrug.

that’s when i decided that.. yeah, i can’t like him. what a friends own is hers. (technically he’s not hers.. but still.. respect.)

but, you can’t help who you fall in love with–like rather. my friends (other friends) started to tease me.. calling him BEAR. that’s the start of that silly code name. 

then, february 14 of.. i forgot the year. my bestfriend and i were talking. she’s infront me and we’re like all giddy and stuff. then all of a sudden he showed up. i bet he’s a ninja. ‘did someone got a flower? well, i give one to someone.’ he said. then, he went infront me and said.. ‘is she?’ pointing my BFF ‘is she the one you replaced me with?’ and i was like dumbstruck. i was looking at him with confuse face and all. then he laugh. i just change the subject acknowledging his bracelet telling him i know how to do something like that. oh wait! he held my hand by the way.

i attended my bestfriend’s prom. since i was one of the usherette. it was a typical prom actually nothing special. but i had the chance to mingle with my BFF and her mates. and he’s there. so we talk and some stuff and he was playing with a little flower doing ‘she loves me. she loves me not.’ while picking a piece of petal. then all of a sudden he gave me one. i asked him what will i do with it. and just said that i’ll do what he was doing. but i didn’t i just held the flower. that’s the first time someone gave me a flower and it doesn’t mean anything at all. well, for him. oh yeah, i’m still keeping the flower.. it’s in a shot glass along with other dried stuff.

years pass, and we didn’t had a communication. until last year 2010.. we became friends in a social networking site. and the feelings that i thought subsided.. slowly creep its way out. damn feelings and all. geez. we talked about his ex and that he had a deep connection with peter pan and nicholas sparks.  we even went on a movie once.. but then, slowly.. we kinda drift apart. he pursue someone. i was left hanging.

years ago, i had a crush.

weeks ago, i admit that he was my first love.

today(october 16, 2011) i got my first heart break.

but for now.. i’ll be mending my heart.

tomorrow.. i’ll be better. i’m more than this pathetic girl i am right now. i’m strong. stubborn. bulletproof.


Like a Puzzle

cliché title is nothing but cliché!

Friendship is the most important thing for me. since I don’t have a love life and feelings is such a random thing for me, I use my time with all my friends–in school.

I am anything but ordinary. I don’t mind being with people any age or any status for that matter. I can be whoever I can when it comes to mingling with people–well, i just think that I do. but what I know is that.. when I become a friend of yours I will be your friend forever and you’ll be stuck with me till the end.

friendship is like creating a harmony. it’s like an epic symphony being perform by epic people. friendship is most likely a big puzzle that once fix, you’ll never be able to forget how to fix it. but if one piece of it got lost you’ll never be able to complete it.

I don’t know what happen, I can’t fathom how and why did everything turn out to be a big one blast. The thing is, the puzzle is fixed already but it’s like a certain entity blow it up and just let the scattered puzzle pieces escape without hesitation.

I tried mending it. though I too take the blame on why and how did it blow up. I just hate the fact that there are other force making things worst.  We are friends. yes, certainly we still are– I think.

I miss my friend tho. we are not speaking right now and it hurts freakin much.. it’s like.. ‘what the happened?’ we were close. we’re like sisters and it pained me that we both cause heartache to each other. and before you think about something else.. no we are not like “girlfriends”, we are just good friends.. as in really good friends that if not for our skin complexion we might pass as siblings. I used to guide her when she was on the rough part of her life. i trust her with my secrets and all..

we are like puzzle pieces blown by an unfathomable force. is it pull of gravity? work of an entity? time? i don’t know.. all i know is that i miss my friend and i’ll trade everything to get her back. damn those third wheels! now we’re like a different puzzle piece from a different kind of puzzle.. neither side connected.. and it freakin sucks..


you my dear friend! i miss you. i love you always.. i’ll still be here no matter what.

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