Why do you always put that mask on your face? Why do you always give bullshits when it comes to your life? You’re weak. You’re in despair. You are not the thick wall you are portraying. You’re merely a wasted form of human, but I bet you are not human at all. Stop wearing that mask that shields yourself for the things around you. That calm mask whenever all things around you is shaking; that mask of patience when all you want to do is just go and walk away. You live your life in limitations, you live your life in rules that you alone have made, why don’t you try to go and have some life? Or… do you really have a life of your own? You put up yourself as a thorn that could hurt anyone with your actions or words… but really you are not. You’re more of a petal, fragile petal that if not for the thorns built around you, you’ve already vanished, you’re destroyed already.
Walls, you’ve been building up walls that you think would give you contentment. You wouldn’t want anyone to break that walls ‘cause if once destroy you’ll be nothing. You’re giving everyone that caring, and strong facade of yours… but what is really inside you? You’re a weak, hopeless, pathetic creature longed for love. Longed for assurance that no one will dare to leave you. You are selfish; you always think about yourself, you’re nothing but a pathetic whore living inside the perfect human form.
Stop struggling as if the world is weight on your shoulders. Stop absorbing the pathetic sobs of others. It breaks you. Those others do not know what you really want. You want to share your life to them, you wanted to be heard by them… but what do they do? Once you open your mouth all they do is to shut you up. They would listen; they would care… but do they listen and care whole-heartedly? It’s always been like that. They never cared nor listen to your thoughts with their whole heart. They would what? Tell you things that you already know? They would tell things full of understatement? What will you do with.. ‘it okay?’, with ‘just forget it’… where is the assurance that it will be okay? Where is the promise that it will be forgotten? Just face it, they’ve do nothing except for tearing you apart. They do nothing but break you, and every time you break… all you wanted to do is to break down but you can’t because you think you’re more than that; because you think you are harder than that, but you’re broken already. No one knows that. no one dare to know that.
Accept it, like you’ve long accept the fact that people will die alone. Accept the fact that no one could decipher you as you decipher them. Not even the one you called your best friend could do that, unless you tell what’s inside you… because even looking in your eyes is useless.
People have different realities, and you have yours… why don’t you let that reality of yours live your life up. Why don’t you let yourself live they way it should be? Every day is not a MASQUERADE. You would at least let go of that rules and limitations that ruling all over you. you are more than a mere façade of happiness, you’re more than a calm front… if you’re broken, show them, let them understand what’s on your mind. let them reach the petal inside the thick-walled or thorn container, let them see how weak you are, how fragile you are…